<![CDATA[The Independent Guild of Fools - Blog]]>Sun, 18 Jan 2026 13:28:50 -0800Weebly<![CDATA[Marty Interview Sam Hooker]]>Sat, 14 Jul 2018 05:38:50 GMThttps://www.sfffoolsguild.com/blog/marty-interview-sam-hookerTonight I’m sitting down with Independent Guild of Fools Member and one of my many bosses, Sam Hooker.
The damn you are.

So it’s true that you don’t really have a knack for swearing?
That’s a heckin’ lie! Who told you that? I’ll kick the spigot off that dirty gunnel!

Isn’t a “gunnel” part of a boat?
You only know that because of all the sailors your mom knows.

Sadly, this interview is still going better than Steve’s.
This isn’t an interview. I don’t do those. I’m just here for the snacks.

Um, okay. Well, while we’re here, tell me about your books.
Why? You’ve read them.
…
Why are you making your “uh-oh, I forgot to buy Fruit Roll-Ups again” face? You’ve read them! They’re your favorites!

Yeah, well … what would you tell some other person--who definitely isn’t me--about your books, if they hadn’t read them?
I’d tell them to buy my books.

Right, but why?
Fine, because they’re funny and dark at the same time. If you can appreciate unspeakable ancient horrors and a good tickling in the same paragraph, my stuff is right up your alley.

How do you decide what word to start your sentences with?
I sure as chicory don’t end them with prepositions. You kiss your mother with that mouth?

No! I mean, what?
Here’s some free advice. Don’t spread it around that you kiss your mother with your mouth open.

I don’t do that!
Hey, now you’re getting it. There might be hope for you yet.

No, I mean … oh, whatever. What advice would you give to an aspiring comic fantasy author?
The funniest characters stick to their ridiculous, extreme quirks. Don’t let them calm down! They should constantly do stupid things, like believe that interns can get promoted, or earn respect, or become real boys.
…
Hey, this is fun! Ask me another one. Wait, are you crying?

N-n-no …
Atta boy, you’re getting the hang of lying. Now if we can just get you to stop making out with your mom.

I told you, I don’t--
It makes sense, you see a few dozen sailors doing it, you’re a curious young boy … not a real boy, but still.

Can we change the subject? How much should an aspiring comic fantasy author trust your advice?
Trust no one. Comedy is serious business, and any one of us would gladly cut you open and sell one of your organs to get you writing true crime novels instead. Also to pay rent. Comedy doesn’t pay so well.

Is that why I’m an unpaid intern?
We pay you double what you’re worth. Show a little gratitude.


What is your preferred method of procrastinating from writing?
Answering stupid questions is doing it for me at the moment.

So how was your day?
Finally! It’s taken you this long to ask me about my day! That’s a pre-interview question, Marty. You’re really lucky I’m here to teach you this stuff, even though I shouldn’t have to.

Why do you love your intern so much?
For the same reason we pay you a living wage.

But you don’t …
Get there …

Sigh.
You got there.

If The Independent Guild of Fools were a rock band, what instrument would you play?
The drums. No one ever forgets to buy Fruit Roll-Ups for the guy who’s always got a stick in his back pocket.

There are plenty of Fruit Roll-Ups! You’re eating one now! I only forgot once.
And I’ve taken it upon myself to make sure that remains true. Am I not merciful?

Tell us about the ladies in your life, and what--
AM I NOT MERCIFUL?

Yeah, I guess. Tell us about the ladies in your life, and what do they think of your books?
My wife likes that I have a hobby that doesn’t make a lot of noise. Your mom won’t stop calling me.

Are you any good with chopsticks?
Focus, Marty! I don’t need chopsticks for Fruit Roll-Ups!

What do you consider the lowest form of life on the planet?
Too easy. Wait a minute, are you fetishising being insulted? That’s grossing me out, but I respect it a little.

You just said you respect me! Everybody heard it!
That doesn’t sound like me. I was probably talking about all of the brave sailors who line up at your mom’s house every night, nickels in hand.

Could you please stop being mean to my mom?
Says the guy who denies making out with her.

If you were being held hostage and had to use an interview with your captor to send a message to the authorities, what would you say?
I’d probably establish my credibility by sending them the first chapter of #MartyWorld, then threaten to cry until they take me seriously. You know, rely on my strengths.

]]><![CDATA[Marty Interviews Steve Thomas]]>Sat, 07 Jul 2018 05:41:03 GMThttps://www.sfffoolsguild.com/blog/marty-interviews-steve-thomasTonight I’m sitting down with Independent Guild of Fools Member and one of my many bosses, Steve Thomas.

Do I really need to be here for this?

Yes.

Fine.

Steve, tell me about your books.

I wrote them.

Could you elaborate?

And you should buy them.
https://www.amazon.com/default/e/B004MNXB8Y/ref=sr_ntt_srch_lnk_1?qid=1362199697&sr=8-1&redirectedFromKindleDbs=true

How do you decide what word to start your sentences with?

That’s your question?

You know, this will go faster if you actually answer my questions. I won’t have to keep following up or pressing you for details.

...

Steve?

...

Are you mad at me?

You interviewed Aaron first.

You were in the bathroom!

And you didn’t wait!

Ok, I’m sorry. Will you please answer my questions now?

Fine. Apology accepted. We’re out of toilet paper, by the way.

What advice would you give to an aspiring comic fantasy author?

Write something that makes you laugh. It’s ok to laugh at your own jokes if there are no witnesses. If you’re having a great time writing  your story, it will be infectious and spread to the reader. Also, don’t rely entirely on a goofy situation to make your leader laugh. Your characters and their reactions need to be part of the joke, and they need to add to the humor and chaos. Finally, and this is the most important one, vet your sources before you take advice from random author interviews.

How much should an aspiring comic fantasy author trust your advice?

Well, I did tell them not to, which was part of my advice, so they shouldn’t take it. Marty, take a memo. I need you to resolve a paradox for me.

I look forward to it, sir.

Then try not to spend a whole lot of time on it.

What is your preferred method of procrastinating from writing?

Most of my procrastination is done via video games. Every now and then a video game comes along that’s so good I manage to avoid writing for weeks. Nintendo is doing a public service some months.

So how was your day?

Funny you should ask. The clock just ticked past midnight, so I don’t really have much to go on. I just finished a glass of milk, but my son is still awake, so it’s kind of a wash so far.

Why do you love your intern so much?

Next.

Oh, come on. Aaron didn’t answer it either.

Thanks for reminding me you chose him over me. NEXT!

Sigh. If The Independent Guild of Fools were a rock band, what instrument would you play?
I would play the most metal and imposing of all instruments: the flute. If a guy shows up in a rock song with a flute solo, you know that band isn’t messing around. Look at Ian Anderson from Jethro Tull. Total badass.

Tell us about the ladies in your life, and what do they think of your books?

Complete indifference on all counts. Next question.

Are you any good with chopsticks?

Oh, I’ve trained extensively. I know seven ways to kill a man with only one chopstick, and--

Next question! What do you consider the lowest form of life on the planet?

Well, this is the easiest question so far. Obviously, it’s int--

Other than interns. Look, the card says, “Other than interns.”

Interrupters. You interrupted me, Marty, and don’t act like you didn’t add that clause in purple crayon.

If you were being held hostage and had to use an interview with your captor to send a message to the authorities, what would you say?

The first step is to establish a code, such as that every third word is part of a secret message.

Then you send for some assistance with your stock purchases, go home and start setting up traps in case whatever soon.

Ok, that last sentence was gibberish.

I’m glad you think so, Marty. I’m glad you think so. Are we done here?

Yeah, sure. I’ll see who else is free.

You better not interview them before me.

I’m interviewing you now. I can’t possibly interview someone else before you be.

Other than Aaron.

Look, I’m sorry, ok? I didn’t realize it meant so much to you.

Marty.

What?

Go pick up some toilet paper like I told you.

​]]><![CDATA[Marty Interviews Aaron C. Cross]]>Sat, 30 Jun 2018 19:05:43 GMThttps://www.sfffoolsguild.com/blog/marty-interviews-aaron-c-crossHi, everyone who is reading this. That is to say, like one or two people. Hi, one or two people. Tonight I’m sitting down with Independent Guild of Fools Member and one of my many bosses, Aaron C. Cross.

Pleasure to be here, I guess. Where’s the scotch you promised?

It’ll get here.

Yeah, I’m not going to talk until it’s in my hand.

Right. Well, in the interest of not being awkward, I’m going to start. Aaron, tell me about your books.

Aaron? Will you talk about your books?

Fine! Here’s your scotch. Happy?

Oh, right, my books! You can buy them all through links at http://www.aaronccross.com/book-details.html .

Is...is that it? Are you going to talk more about them?

They’re books. They’re funny. Wear diapers because you may pee. It’s been known to happen.

When?!

Next question, please.

How do you decide what word to start your sentences with?

I’m going to imagine that you asked a better question. Yes, Marty, I do look good in a suit. Thank you for noticing. Of course, it’s better when you go commando. Nothing like cashmere to make a man feel alive in the basement, right, Marty? That reminds me, you need to go get ‘that thing’ from ‘the basement’ before ‘it dies’. Wait. Don’t print that. Next question!


Right. Okay. What advice would you give to an aspiring comic fantasy author?

Don’t do it. Run away, as fast as you can. Take a wife, bear a child, live your life simple and free on a farm somewhere. Stay as far as you can from the black, soulless depths of comic fantasy. The looming presence of Sir Terry Pratchett ensures that nothing you do will ever be as good as his work and everyone that does not value comedy will tell you that. Plus, you know, as hard as writing is, it’s ten times harder when you realize you have to actually be funny while creating. It’s turning on Hard Mode during Dark Souls, so to speak.

It can’t be that bad.

Oh yeah? Let me put this to you. What happens when you take something already volatile and then pour gas on it?

It drowns because the liquid doesn’t -

It makes it worse! It’s like that with writing and comedy. You’re adding gas to the mental dumpster fire that is writing.

That’s not very funny.

That’s what your mom said.

When?

I’ve said too much. Next question.


How much should an aspiring comic fantasy author trust your advice?

Oh, not one bit. They should completely disregard everything I’m saying.

At least you’re being honest…

Sure, we’ll go with that.


What is your preferred method of procrastinating from writing?

It’s called ‘living’. Maybe you’ve heard of it.

That’s fairly vague.

You see, Martin - can I call you Martin?

...oh, my gosh, absolutely. Yes. Yes! I’ve been hoping that this day would come for so long. I’ve asked you to call me Martin from the very start  because, really, I prefer that name so-

Right. Well, Marty, it’s like this. Writing is fun, but it’s also hard and confusing and leads to deep self-reflection about who you are as a person and why you write what you do. Do you know what doesn’t do that?

I’m sure I don’t -

Playing Crusader Kings II until four in the morning because you just can’t stop your Mercian king from cuckolding literally every single one of his allies. That does not cause you any fear for reflection. Ever.

Right. So, I guess,  how was your day?

Actually, not too bad. Went out to lunch. Evolved an Eevee on Pokemon GO. Browsed some ‘websites’. I’ve had worse days.


Good. I think. Why do you love your intern so much?

That’s not the question as it was written. Read it right, Marty, or don’t read it at all.

Um, if The Independent Guild of Fools were a rock band, what instrument would you play?

I’d be lead singer. I can scream Iron Maiden at the top of my voice, I am well-versed in all manner of heavy metal songs, and I look stellar in skin-tight spandex pants.

There is no way that’s true.

Ask your mom.

Why would she...no. Moving on to why did it have to be this question? Ugh. So, Aaron, why don’t you tell us about the ladies in your life, and what do they think of your books?

HahahahahahahahAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Wait, wait. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH. Oh, man, thank you. I needed that laugh.

I suddenly am very uncomfortable. Next question. Are you any good with chopsticks?

Of course! Only way to eat Chinese food, man. It’s not like I’m going to get frustrated, throw the sticks across the room, slam my face into the bowl, and almost literally inhale several ounces of chicken fried rice. I mean, again.

What do you consider the lowest form of life on the planet?

Interns. Final answer, Regis.

If you were being held hostage and had to use an interview with your captor to send a message to the authorities, what would you say?

I feel as if you are ending with this question to send a message. First off, ‘spoilers’. Secondly, buy my books. http://www.aaronccross.com/book-details.html . You can also reach me at @daneatscatfood on Twitter if you want to hear me complain about my dreams, writing, and my desert of a love life. Now, Marty, where’s that scotch you promised?

You...you drank it all. Okay, this interview is over!

I thought I got to say that!

Sigh. ​]]><![CDATA[The Guild Has Updated Its Privacy Policy]]>Fri, 25 May 2018 01:49:39 GMThttps://www.sfffoolsguild.com/blog/the-guild-has-updated-its-privacy-policyEveryone Else Is Doing It
  1. The Intern will knock before entering.
  2. The Intern will not learn Guild Members’ middle names, addresses, or mothers’ maiden names.
  3. Guild members will not learn the Intern’s name.
  4. Guild members will not learn each other’s names.
  5. Guild members will label their lunches with their own name.
  6. Guild members will not look at each other’s lunches (see rule 4).
  7. The bathroom is for Guild members only (NOT the Intern).
  8. E-mails sent to the Guild will not be read (to avoid learning any personal information about the sender).
  9. The Intern will be blindfolded at all times.
  10. The WiFi password will be kept private from the Intern.
]]><![CDATA[Man the Gates: Humor vs. Comedy by Steve Thomas]]>Tue, 15 May 2018 04:09:30 GMThttps://www.sfffoolsguild.com/blog/man-the-gates-humor-vs-comedyOne of the first questions The Independent Guild of Fools had to answer was whether we’re The Independent Guild of Fools or The Guild of Independent Fools. Don’t think that’s settled. One of the second questions we’ve had to answer is what we mean by Comic SFF. What is comedy? What are jokes? Are jokes comedy? Are…are we real?

Ahem.

When we talk about Comic SFF, we’re talking about a genre classification. We’re talking about books that fuse elements from the science fiction and/or fantasy genres with the comedy genre. That’s a little more complicated than saying “SFF With Jokes.” A book can be funny without being comedy. What do I mean by that? Well, let’s get our gatekeeping on.

Humor

Humor is a device. It’s a tool an author can use for a multitude of reasons in any genre. The main two are characterization and tone. It’s rare to find a story that doesn’t use humor for one of the two.

Humor is a great tool for characterization. An author may make a character the designated funny guy or assign him eccentricities to amuse the reader. Maybe a character cracks jokes to cope with stress or a villain uses off-color barbs to keep his victims (or the reader) from getting too comfortable. What a character finds or doesn’t find funny, whether she is sincere or snarky, and how seriously she takes the world can say a lot about her.

Humor is also a common technique to control the tone of a story. It’s fairly common to try to classify the tone of a story as “dark” or “light” but even within the same story, the tone is rarely uniform. A lighthearted story might have moments of sadness, and a dark story might have moments of levity. These help season the story; they add contrast and keep the reader emotionally engaged. Even the most dour of horror films can use the rare joke to provide a bright spot in a bleak tale, or to trick the audience into relaxing for a moment so the next sting hits a little harder. On the opposite end of the spectrum, frequent humor is a way to keep a lighthearted tale light. The frequency of jokes can also be a way to change the tone of a story in motion. Maybe the jokes start tapering off as the stakes get higher, or a funny vignette provides a break from a more harrowing yarn.​

Comedy

Comedy is the genre where LOLs are the goals. A work of comedy is written with the explicit intent of making the audience laugh as often as possible. Everything is in service to that goal: the plot, characters, and settings are all designed to bring laughter. Of course, there’s more nuance than that. Satire uses comedy to make the reader think about the real world, parody comments on some other work, black comedy gives the reader permission to laugh at serious matters, and a farce will do anything for a giggle. The uniting feature is that with comedy, maximizing humor is central to the creative decisions made by the author.

Anyhow

Hopefully this helped you understand the distinction that the Council of Elders has arbitrarily declared between comedy and humor. Here at the guild, mere humor isn’t enough. The Council of Elders demands comedy and only comedy. Now go forth and bicker among yourselves about which books qualify.
]]><![CDATA[We Begin]]>Sat, 07 Apr 2018 21:20:52 GMThttps://www.sfffoolsguild.com/blog/we-beginOn the fifth of April in the year of our Lord 2018, three men on Discord were given an idea by a friend and decided that it wasn't a bad call. This guild and this website are a result of that idea. 

So if you hate it, blame someone else. We're not at fault here.
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