Today is a very big day here for the SFFFools Guild! AC and Steve are officially competing in the Self-Publishing Fantasy Blog-Off (SPFBO) contest and Billy releases the third book in his Epik series, Sight Beyond Epik Sight.

Naturally, with such a big day for the Guild, there's no reason for me not to put together another one of Marty's Famous Drinkable Menus! 

First up, in honor of Billy's new book, I created The New Release. Since new releases always come with a degree of hope, a degree of desperation, and a degree of just wanting to get drunk, this drink should get you all of those.

What you will need for this recipe is as follows:
A glass. It can be glass or not-glass. 
Ice (maybe)
8 oz. of tequila, preferable gold and maybe Montezuma. 
​One bottle of wheat beer. Maybe a Hoegaarden would work (AC told me how to spell it).

Here's how you put the recipe together:
​1. Set the glass down on a table, counter, or mini-fridge.
2. If desired, drop a few ice cubes in the glass.
3. Pour in the tequila and swirl it to get the ice making it nice and cold.
4. Splash in the beer. Avoid getting a 'big head' (*rimshot*).
5. Drink.
6. Forget about your new release.
​

​The other drink was a little tougher, since it has to represent competition. The SPFBO was tricky but I think I nailed it. It should combine some nervous excitement at the start and finish incredibly bitter. 

What you will need for this recipe is as follows:
A martini glass.  
Pop rocks (one packet)
Black Hawaiian sea salt - it HAS to be this
3 oz. of Jagermeister
6 oz. of coffee liqueur
Two dashes of bitters
​
Here's how you put the recipe together:
​1. Set the glass down on a table, counter, or mini-fridge.
2. Get the rim wet (oh yeah) and coat the rim with a mixture of pop rocks and sea salt. This is critical.
3. Pour in the Jagermeister to a shaker.
4. Pour in the coffee liqueur.
5. Add in the two dashes of bitters.
6. Shake the drink.
7. Shake it like a Polaroid picture. Just kidding, don't shake Polaroids. It destroys the film.
8. When the drink is shookened, pour into the glass.
9. Lick the rim (oh yeah) and then kick the drink back.
10. Congratulations, you've been eliminated in the first round. I mean, you competed well. 

​Good luck to all drinkers!

Okay, so everyone is making such a big foo-faw over a book-reviewing owl and her amazing drinks and reviews and all that and I thought, you know, I can do alcohol stuff too. So I'm going to. Because I've been forced to read every book or novella written by all five current members of the Guild, I know what drinks pair the best with the reading experiences provided by the books. Yeah, that sounds professional. Leave that in.

Right. So, I figured the best place to start would be with the most drunkened of the Guild - AC - and his book (which I am legally required to list as a SPFBO entry...sigh): Robocopter Ski Patrol.

So, in the book, there's a scene where a stupid character named Ace Wifflacor (I hate AC's naming system) is getting drunk on a transport plane and runs out of mixers, so he has to make a substitution, which ends in predictable results. Namely, he blacks out and wakes up in the middle of a firefight in the city of Prague right before a nuclear bomb drops. No, it doesn't make sense in context either. This, like that, is The Ace.

Anyway, it's a really easy recipe, so try to follow along.

What you will need for this recipe is as follows:
A Solo cup (red or otherwise)
Ice (maybe)
Many fluid oz. of rum, preferably toilet bowl cleaner-grade but also gold. None of that white rum crap.
​A bottle of rubbing alcohol - any brand

Here's how you put the recipe together:
​1. Set the glass down on a table, counter, or mini-fridge.
2. If desired, drop a few ice cubes in the glass.
3. Pour in as much rum as you want. More is probably better.
4. Top with a generous glug of rubbing alcohol.
5. Drink.

​Bonne boisson! (That means 'good drink' in French)