Tonight I’m sitting down with Independent Guild of Fools Member and one of my many bosses, Steve Thomas.

Do I really need to be here for this?

Yes.

Fine.

Steve, tell me about your books.

I wrote them.

Could you elaborate?

And you should buy them.
https://www.amazon.com/default/e/B004MNXB8Y/ref=sr_ntt_srch_lnk_1?qid=1362199697&sr=8-1&redirectedFromKindleDbs=true

How do you decide what word to start your sentences with?

That’s your question?

You know, this will go faster if you actually answer my questions. I won’t have to keep following up or pressing you for details.

...

Steve?

...

Are you mad at me?

You interviewed Aaron first.

You were in the bathroom!

And you didn’t wait!

Ok, I’m sorry. Will you please answer my questions now?

Fine. Apology accepted. We’re out of toilet paper, by the way.

What advice would you give to an aspiring comic fantasy author?

Write something that makes you laugh. It’s ok to laugh at your own jokes if there are no witnesses. If you’re having a great time writing  your story, it will be infectious and spread to the reader. Also, don’t rely entirely on a goofy situation to make your leader laugh. Your characters and their reactions need to be part of the joke, and they need to add to the humor and chaos. Finally, and this is the most important one, vet your sources before you take advice from random author interviews.

How much should an aspiring comic fantasy author trust your advice?

Well, I did tell them not to, which was part of my advice, so they shouldn’t take it. Marty, take a memo. I need you to resolve a paradox for me.

I look forward to it, sir.

Then try not to spend a whole lot of time on it.

What is your preferred method of procrastinating from writing?

Most of my procrastination is done via video games. Every now and then a video game comes along that’s so good I manage to avoid writing for weeks. Nintendo is doing a public service some months.

So how was your day?

Funny you should ask. The clock just ticked past midnight, so I don’t really have much to go on. I just finished a glass of milk, but my son is still awake, so it’s kind of a wash so far.

Why do you love your intern so much?

Next.

Oh, come on. Aaron didn’t answer it either.

Thanks for reminding me you chose him over me. NEXT!

Sigh. If The Independent Guild of Fools were a rock band, what instrument would you play?
I would play the most metal and imposing of all instruments: the flute. If a guy shows up in a rock song with a flute solo, you know that band isn’t messing around. Look at Ian Anderson from Jethro Tull. Total badass.

Tell us about the ladies in your life, and what do they think of your books?

Complete indifference on all counts. Next question.

Are you any good with chopsticks?

Oh, I’ve trained extensively. I know seven ways to kill a man with only one chopstick, and--

Next question! What do you consider the lowest form of life on the planet?

Well, this is the easiest question so far. Obviously, it’s int--

Other than interns. Look, the card says, “Other than interns.”

Interrupters. You interrupted me, Marty, and don’t act like you didn’t add that clause in purple crayon.

If you were being held hostage and had to use an interview with your captor to send a message to the authorities, what would you say?

The first step is to establish a code, such as that every third word is part of a secret message.

Then you send for some assistance with your stock purchases, go home and start setting up traps in case whatever soon.

Ok, that last sentence was gibberish.

I’m glad you think so, Marty. I’m glad you think so. Are we done here?

Yeah, sure. I’ll see who else is free.

You better not interview them before me.

I’m interviewing you now. I can’t possibly interview someone else before you be.

Other than Aaron.

Look, I’m sorry, ok? I didn’t realize it meant so much to you.

Marty.

What?

Go pick up some toilet paper like I told you.

​

Hi, everyone who is reading this. That is to say, like one or two people. Hi, one or two people. Tonight I’m sitting down with Independent Guild of Fools Member and one of my many bosses, Aaron C. Cross.

Pleasure to be here, I guess. Where’s the scotch you promised?

It’ll get here.

Yeah, I’m not going to talk until it’s in my hand.

Right. Well, in the interest of not being awkward, I’m going to start. Aaron, tell me about your books.

Aaron? Will you talk about your books?

Fine! Here’s your scotch. Happy?

Oh, right, my books! You can buy them all through links at http://www.aaronccross.com/book-details.html .

Is...is that it? Are you going to talk more about them?

They’re books. They’re funny. Wear diapers because you may pee. It’s been known to happen.

When?!

Next question, please.

How do you decide what word to start your sentences with?

I’m going to imagine that you asked a better question. Yes, Marty, I do look good in a suit. Thank you for noticing. Of course, it’s better when you go commando. Nothing like cashmere to make a man feel alive in the basement, right, Marty? That reminds me, you need to go get ‘that thing’ from ‘the basement’ before ‘it dies’. Wait. Don’t print that. Next question!


Right. Okay. What advice would you give to an aspiring comic fantasy author?

Don’t do it. Run away, as fast as you can. Take a wife, bear a child, live your life simple and free on a farm somewhere. Stay as far as you can from the black, soulless depths of comic fantasy. The looming presence of Sir Terry Pratchett ensures that nothing you do will ever be as good as his work and everyone that does not value comedy will tell you that. Plus, you know, as hard as writing is, it’s ten times harder when you realize you have to actually be funny while creating. It’s turning on Hard Mode during Dark Souls, so to speak.

It can’t be that bad.

Oh yeah? Let me put this to you. What happens when you take something already volatile and then pour gas on it?

It drowns because the liquid doesn’t -

It makes it worse! It’s like that with writing and comedy. You’re adding gas to the mental dumpster fire that is writing.

That’s not very funny.

That’s what your mom said.

When?

I’ve said too much. Next question.


How much should an aspiring comic fantasy author trust your advice?

Oh, not one bit. They should completely disregard everything I’m saying.

At least you’re being honest…

Sure, we’ll go with that.


What is your preferred method of procrastinating from writing?

It’s called ‘living’. Maybe you’ve heard of it.

That’s fairly vague.

You see, Martin - can I call you Martin?

...oh, my gosh, absolutely. Yes. Yes! I’ve been hoping that this day would come for so long. I’ve asked you to call me Martin from the very start  because, really, I prefer that name so-

Right. Well, Marty, it’s like this. Writing is fun, but it’s also hard and confusing and leads to deep self-reflection about who you are as a person and why you write what you do. Do you know what doesn’t do that?

I’m sure I don’t -

Playing Crusader Kings II until four in the morning because you just can’t stop your Mercian king from cuckolding literally every single one of his allies. That does not cause you any fear for reflection. Ever.

Right. So, I guess,  how was your day?

Actually, not too bad. Went out to lunch. Evolved an Eevee on Pokemon GO. Browsed some ‘websites’. I’ve had worse days.


Good. I think. Why do you love your intern so much?

That’s not the question as it was written. Read it right, Marty, or don’t read it at all.

Um, if The Independent Guild of Fools were a rock band, what instrument would you play?

I’d be lead singer. I can scream Iron Maiden at the top of my voice, I am well-versed in all manner of heavy metal songs, and I look stellar in skin-tight spandex pants.

There is no way that’s true.

Ask your mom.

Why would she...no. Moving on to why did it have to be this question? Ugh. So, Aaron, why don’t you tell us about the ladies in your life, and what do they think of your books?

HahahahahahahahAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Wait, wait. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH. Oh, man, thank you. I needed that laugh.

I suddenly am very uncomfortable. Next question. Are you any good with chopsticks?

Of course! Only way to eat Chinese food, man. It’s not like I’m going to get frustrated, throw the sticks across the room, slam my face into the bowl, and almost literally inhale several ounces of chicken fried rice. I mean, again.

What do you consider the lowest form of life on the planet?

Interns. Final answer, Regis.

If you were being held hostage and had to use an interview with your captor to send a message to the authorities, what would you say?

I feel as if you are ending with this question to send a message. First off, ‘spoilers’. Secondly, buy my books. http://www.aaronccross.com/book-details.html . You can also reach me at @daneatscatfood on Twitter if you want to hear me complain about my dreams, writing, and my desert of a love life. Now, Marty, where’s that scotch you promised?

You...you drank it all. Okay, this interview is over!

I thought I got to say that!

Sigh.​

Humor is a device. It’s a tool an author can use for a multitude of reasons in any genre. The main two are characterization and tone. It’s rare to find a story that doesn’t use humor for one of the two.

Humor is a great tool for characterization. An author may make a character the designated funny guy or assign him eccentricities to amuse the reader. Maybe a character cracks jokes to cope with stress or a villain uses off-color barbs to keep his victims (or the reader) from getting too comfortable. What a character finds or doesn’t find funny, whether she is sincere or snarky, and how seriously she takes the world can say a lot about her.

Humor is also a common technique to control the tone of a story. It’s fairly common to try to classify the tone of a story as “dark” or “light” but even within the same story, the tone is rarely uniform. A lighthearted story might have moments of sadness, and a dark story might have moments of levity. These help season the story; they add contrast and keep the reader emotionally engaged. Even the most dour of horror films can use the rare joke to provide a bright spot in a bleak tale, or to trick the audience into relaxing for a moment so the next sting hits a little harder. On the opposite end of the spectrum, frequent humor is a way to keep a lighthearted tale light. The frequency of jokes can also be a way to change the tone of a story in motion. Maybe the jokes start tapering off as the stakes get higher, or a funny vignette provides a break from a more harrowing yarn.​

On the fifth of April in the year of our Lord 2018, three men on Discord were given an idea by a friend and decided that it wasn't a bad call. This guild and this website are a result of that idea. 

So if you hate it, blame someone else. We're not at fault here.